Feeling lost creatively: Part I
Image via Unsplash
Jotting down a little diary entry for myself (and for anyone who it may help), as I have been feeling creatively lost lately when it comes to my personal work. I think when we are struggling with something, writing can be therapeutic and even provide us answers. I also enjoy having my little blog as a way to look back in time and follow progression.
I have always loved to paint, and as creatives, we all know that it’s normal to get into a rut or creative block. I have been on this rollercoaster ride all of my adult years. There are days when you love what you are making and think, “Wow, I am finally on track to where I want to be!”, yet the next day you might despise the next piece you’ve created. Lately, I’ve been feeling this more than usual. More specifically, I’ve been facing two issues – One, that I’ve hated almost everything I’ve painted in the past couple months, and two, I’ve felt as though I don’t know what “my style” is anymore – and that tortures me. In order to paint, I need a direction to go. I have taken very strategic approaches where I break it down to the nitty gritty and compile all the techniques I love into one. Yet nothing seems to work right now. In 2020, during our quarantine era, I felt like I was in a creative peak especially due to the free time and all the artists I got to interact with on Instagram. I think this truly illustrates how shaky the art process can be – I felt as though my style was solidifying and I would only be moving forward from that point; yet over two years later I feel as though I’ve gone backwards.
In the past, I don’t think I had ever once considered giving up on art, but this week the question crossed my mind - “What if I just stop trying to make painting work and instead focus my time on getting decent at the piano as I have always dreamed of doing?” It is incredibly frustrating when you put years of your life towards one interest and neglected other hobbies (i.e., piano) in order to get really proficient at your main interest.
Yet even though I’ve been feeling this amount of frustration, I still have that drive that makes me want to keep trying again and again, even if it means I need to take a break and breathe for a couple days at a time or so. No matter how frustrated I get, I always find myself doing something about it, whether that is reading articles, browsing for inspiration, or writing an entry like this one. I think the time to give up on an interest or a skill is when we don’t feel anything towards it. No passion or excitement. As someone who is constantly using their hands and driven to make things, I have always felt that my purpose is to create and share beautiful content with others who share the same appreciation. I feel like my best self when I am creating something I love. So that’s why I just can’t seem to give up yet.
Who knows how this year will go, but regardless, I think it’s good to start 2023 off by evaluating how I’m feeling and exploring new habits and ways to tackle this not-so-fun creative blockage. But as hard as it is, I know that creative blocks are a normal part of being an artist.
Best of luck to anyone else who might be going through this issue, and I would love to hear from you or chat in the comments if you have any similar thoughts.